banzaitree
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Indonesian guy who cowers in the presence of superiors.
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Post by banzaitree on Dec 23, 2015 20:18:20 GMT -8
Team AA: Double Ace
© Banzai Tree (Matthew Adi Simanjaya)
Kyuu Roku's son, Zero, along with his friend, Hien, makes the unlikely feat of defeating the juniors of Team Mugen in a touge battle on Mt. Mitsubishi. Zero's uncle, Hayabusa, bands Zero and Hien together to form the Twin Mountains' (Mt. Mitsubishi and Mt. Nakajima) second touge racing team. Their goal is to challenge and beat the racers from all the mountains of the Hakuba region and become the fastest touge flyers in all of Equestria. Will their goal be realised? Link: www.fimfiction.net/story/280318/team-aa-double-aceEdit on 1/1/2016! Gonna post my story here, too! Gonna be irregularly posting it chapter by chapter so I don't overload myself (still got work to do)  Team AA(Double Ace)
Prologue: Hakuba regionOn the North-Easternmost part of Equestria lies a region that, while integrated into Equestria’s rule, fiercely holds on to their original culture. Not a lot was known about the region before this integration happened, except for the fact that the region was, and still is, ruled by a pegasus all in white. Her cutie mark bears a red circle, which was how the locals of the region portrayed the sun in the past. The locals aren’t allowed to say her real name (it’s deemed disrespectful), but they are allowed to say her honorific name, which was: 'Hakuba'She was named after the name of the region, as a courtesy to the area's first ruler. To many ponies today, the name “Hakuba region” goes hand in hand with “mountains everywhere”, most of which have well-laid routes for non-pegasi to get up and down. These routes snake towards the peak, and race towards the bottom again. Very convenient for non-pegasi. The routes are often wide enough to let two ponies pass, but guard rails are built on the ledges in case something unfortunate, like earth ponies falling off a ledge, happens. The routes are meant to only be used by non-pegasi, but pegasi take it one step further. The pegasi living near the mountains tend to use these routes for high-speed, technique-intensive, no doubt dangerous racing. Hakuba is well aware of this, but leaves the racers unbothered because the races are often organized. The pegasi of the Hakuba region show respect to whoever they meet when it is appropriate. At the two ends of the routes, pegasi stand by to take non-pegasi up or down the mountain whenever a race is underway, and they made sure that the route was clear of non-pegasi before starting the run. Most risk their lives for the fun of it, but some take it very seriously. These kinds of pegasi race purely for supremacy of the mountains, and every single one of them race to try to be the fastest. All of the mountains of the Hakuba region have their own racing team, except for the Twin Mountains of Mt. Mitsubishi and Mt. Nakajima. They're so called because these two mountains have all the basic similarities: The same yellow-green grass with the top being bare rock, the same height, and somewhat next to each other. However, it is home to a skilled flyer and university student, Hayabusa. He sped up and down the Mt. Nakajima route very often and, while having little experience in the Mt. Mitsubishi route, once defended both mountains against rival teams alongside friend and legendary flyer, Kyuu Roku, when he was still an active racer. Even though he is still capable of racing, however, there was a problem. Hayabusa refused to race again under the normal circumstances. Ever since Kyuu Roku got his wings injured beyond healing after an accident against Team Amemiya’s downhill ace at Mt. Matsuda, Hayabusa stopped racing to show fairness. It dealt a permanent blow to Hayabusa’s feelings, which could have been worse if Kyuu Roku died in the incident. He would decline any challenge to race, even when Team Mugen was basically knocking at his door. They were there to challenge him. That would conclude that Team Mugen has nobody to challenge. But Team Mugen insisted that they challenge two pegasi. One would do the hillclimb, another for the downhill. Not one was able to convince them to call the race off. Who, then, will Team Mugen race against? Which side will win? The story of the Double Ace begins.
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banzaitree
New Member
Indonesian guy who cowers in the presence of superiors.
Posts: 9
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Post by banzaitree on Jan 15, 2016 7:09:15 GMT -8
Intermission 0.5: Team Mugen
2 p.m., near the center of the upper village of Mt. Nakajima,
In the inner parts of the upper village of Mt. Nakajima, there were buildings of all sorts lined up in tight lines. One has white walls and red roof, while another is like an orange box with a door and some windows. Old, 19th century lampposts light up the cobblestone paths of the village at night. On this day, the clear skies of a sunny afternoon was blue with thin strips of white clouds. Normally, this village is often calm and cozy.
It was not quite like that on one day.
"Hmph. Aren't you the 'defender' of the Twin Mountains? You show cowardice! Get out here and SHOW YOURSELF!" The voice of Team Mugen’s junior hillclimb specialist, Nose Shunt, echoed all over Mt. Nakajima. He was suited up in a plain, white uniform with a Wonderbolts-like cut that had ‘無’ for the suit’s cutie mark. His blunt, maroon nose, ears and wings and were sticking out of his uniform and so did his black, messy hair and small eyes. However, the junior downhill specialist, Civic, stared at the sky with his black, relaxed, small eyes. His coat was yellow and he wore the same white suit, Except that it had ‘限’ for a cutie mark. He also had black, tidy hair and tail, and didn't give a care about whatever Shunt spitted out.
As the crowd became larger, and Shunt continued to stand right in front of the house, Civic felt a bit of pressure. He turned his head to face Shunt as he thought, Cut it out, Shunt. If he won't come out, then don't force it. You're just going to cause trouble here. But Civic knew Shunt for a year. He knew that Shunt wouldn't simply give in. ...who am I kidding. I can't stop you even if I tried to. Better brace myself for the impact this will have.
Shunt had been in front of Hayabusa's green, single-storey house for about twenty minutes. By then, a large crowd had gathered around to check on the commotion. The moment they saw their uniforms and heard Shunt's complaints, they knew exactly what they demanded.
The locals knew of Kyuu Roku’s tragedy. They also knew of Hayabusa's show of fairness. They were annoyed by Shunt's repulsive behaviour, but not one from the crowd made a sound. The locals that gathered around looked at each other. An attempt to stop Shunt could backfire if not done right.
In that house stood Hayabusa, the pegasus in dark green with a maroon, short mane, straight tail and a peregrine falcon for a cutie mark. He looked outside his window. The sight of a large crowd didn't move him, and neither did Shunt's shouts. He just stood there staring at Nova like a statue with his black, small eyes.
Then, in the midst of the crowd, a voice called out. “Oi! Stop shouting at the door!”
The crowd went silent, and Team Mugen stared at the mare who walked out into the open. She has a light grey coat and a somewhat dark greenish, ponytailed mane and neat tail, black eyes and a swallow for a cutie mark.
Shunt replied to the mare. His voice had a faint tone of annoyance. “This has nothing to do with you."
“You expect me to see you try and force someone out and not do anything?"
“I am the fastest of all of Team Mugen's juniors. Beating Hayabusa in a race will be the ultimate sign that I am of legendary stock! I can't stand another weak opponent."
The mare tried to hold back her rage. Her cool was about to blow, but she managed to keep it together.
Beside the mare was a stallion. The stallion had pale yellow coat, with a blue-white-blue stripe hair color scheme, and eyes similar to that of Civic’s, and a Japanese roundel with “万” inside it for a cutie mark.
In an attempt to end the argument, the stallion said, "Please leave uncle alone. I think he's getting annoyed."
"And let my position be questioned? I've had enough of people questioning my prowess. Every single one of them tasted defeat."
"Then what if someone else raced in his place?"
Shunt looked down and supported his head with his hoof. The stallion managed to make him change his mind. "Eh, depends if the replacement is good enough, but nobody is better than Hayabusa in a hillclimb." Shunt put down the same hoof and his eyes swept through the crowd. The crowd remained silent. "You better stop before I lose my patience."
The mare replied to Shunt's insult. "I'm not letting you go just like that. I'll race you!"
"Spoken like a true amateur. Do you even know who you're up against?"
"There's more to me than meets the eye. But we'll see who laughs once we're done."
Shunt let out a faint 'hmph'. "So you are serious about this... Fine."
Just as the argument died down, Civic was the next pony to speak. "So does that wrap this up?"
"Not quite. You did say that you're here for the same thing, right?"
Civic let out a sigh. He did say that and it was the truth. "I did, didn't I? Alright, but how will the match be?"
The mare raised the hoof of the stallion next to her. "How about you against this guy?"
The stallion widened his eyes when he was chosen. W–, wait! I'm one of the slower pegasi here!
But the mare wasn't showing any surprise. It was like she chose the stallion on purpose.
“Alright. Hayabusa will be left alone. Be sure to be at Mt. Mitsubishi tomorrow. This will be fun, no doubt, especially once I beat you!"
The mare shot a glare at Shunt as she, along with the pale yellow stallion, left the scene just before the crowd dispersed.
=========================================================================================
Shortly afterwards, the two challengers were seen next to a soda can dispenser drinking soda.
The downhill challenger happened to be the mare’s best friend in high school. They have known each other since their eighth grade. Out of the few years they have been together during school, a strong, lasting friendship was formed. So much do they care about each other that some of their classmates often ship them together.
The stallion, still holding his soda can, asked the mare without making eye contact. "Hien, of all the faster pegasi out there, why would you choose me to race against that guy?"
Hien looked at the stallion. "Come on, Zero. I've never seen you race before. I know for sure that nobody in our school could match Civic's level. You're the only pegasus I haven't checked out yet, so it was the only card I could put into the field."
Zero lowered his head and looked at the ground. "I've already said to you a lot of times, Hien. I am not made for it."
"Even if racing isn't your talent, you might just be the only one who can turn things around. Just because racing isn't your talent doesn't mean that you're not good at it."
"Maybe... Guess there is no other choice for us, huh?"
"Afraid not, Zero."
Zero lowered his head. There was no other option. "...Alright. I'll do it."
Hien's face brightened with a smile. "Thanks, Zero."
Zero gave a warm, but weak smile towards Hien.
=========================================================================================
That night, Zero was sitting in his house; an onigiri shop-turned two-storey house that is painted white and has one large window on the second floor where Zero's room is located. In front of the house is a stall where Zero's father, Kyuu Roku, a white pegasus with a red, short mane and tail and a blue comet as a cutie mark, sells his onigiri. This shop is in Mt. Mitsubishi's upper village. Here, the buildings are all worn out and making it clear that they've been around for a good quarter of a century or more. There were only a few new buildings to be seen here and there, one of them being the onigiri shop. The cobblestone roads of the village are also proof that the village is old: there are little cracks on half of all the stones used for the street and a bit of moss could be seen everywhere on the roads. There are fewer lampposts on this village as well, compared to Mt. Nakajima's upper village, and therefore each lamppost was farther away from each other. At nights like the one that day, the streets are often empty. The only thing that kept the village from feeling like a ghost town at times like this is that there is always noise from each shop that lasts until late at night, especially from the onigiri shop.
Kyuu Roku was preparing for tomorrow’s batch of onigiri. Even long before Kyuu Roku broke his wing, his main occupation is an onigiri maker that offers deliveries. He used to deliver the onigiri himself, but ever since he broke his wing, he set up a stall in front of his shop and told Zero to do the deliveries instead. While it did leave Zero little free time, if it wasn’t for this service, their business would have not received any profit and instead simply break-even. In a monthly basis, Hayabusa sent the Sentouki family (Kyuu and Zero) money to help them out, and pay for Zero’s final year in high school, despite Kyuu and Zero’s constant rejection of the offer.
In a quiet voice, Zero said, “Dad, have you heard of Team Mugen’s arrival to Mt. Nakajima?”
“Yes." Kyuu raised an eyebrow with one eye looking at Zero as he prepared the rice. "Why?"
“Well, I volunteered to race against Civic. We’ll be racing tomorrow right here on this mountain.”
Kyuu paused for a moment, then looked at Zero with a curious look on his face. “Hm? You never liked going too fast. I remembered the time you tried to clear the Mt. Mitsubishi route when you were a bit younger with me. The pace of Mt. Mitsubishi was a bit too much for you to handle.”
“I remember that as if it was just yesterday." Zero covered his face with his right hoof. "So embarrassing…” Kyuu gave a small chuckle, as he focused on the seaweed. “It's fine by me, though. All I can do now is wait for the race against Civic.” Zero shuddered a little mentioning Civic’s name. While Civic had the training and the guts, Zero had none of that, or so he thought.
“Well, if you’re so sure, do your best tomorrow, Zero. Lucky you that tomorrow’s the start of the weekend.”
“I may be lucky, but what about you, dad?"
Kyuu's face was blank and without expression. “Don’t worry about me. You’ve done a lot for me and our little shop, Zero... You better rest now. Your performance can be affected by a lack of rest.”
Zero walked upstairs to his white-walled room, where the floor was neither with dust, clothes nor anything that shouldn't be there. A lot of things were in their proper places: the books were on the bookshelf, the wardrobe had all of his clothes and the bed cover covered the bed completely. As he lied on his bed and stared at the fan right above him, he closed his eyes and went to sleep.
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Post by lyraalluse on Jan 18, 2016 6:02:00 GMT -8
Intermission 0.5: Team Mugen Wow, I am enjoying this one. ^0^ Thank you for posting it. |
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banzaitree
New Member
Indonesian guy who cowers in the presence of superiors.
Posts: 9
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Post by banzaitree on Jan 20, 2016 6:54:12 GMT -8
Intermission 0.5: Team Mugen Wow, I am enjoying this one. ^0^ Thank you for posting it. You won't believe how big a smile that gave me. Seriously. I'm trying to get that Initial D feel to this fanfic. Looks like I'm in the right trail! Thanks for the compliment! |
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Post by lyraalluse on Jan 20, 2016 9:45:32 GMT -8
You won't believe how big a smile that gave me. Seriously. I'm trying to get that Initial D feel to this fanfic. Looks like I'm in the right trail! Thanks for the compliment! You are doing an excellent job, my friend.  |
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banzaitree
New Member
Indonesian guy who cowers in the presence of superiors.
Posts: 9
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Post by banzaitree on Jan 20, 2016 23:51:05 GMT -8
You won't believe how big a smile that gave me. Seriously. I'm trying to get that Initial D feel to this fanfic. Looks like I'm in the right trail! Thanks for the compliment! You are doing an excellent job, my friend. Many thanks, Lyra. But, judging by how you said that compliment, I'm assuming that you saw the anime a few times before. Am I correct? |
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Post by lyraalluse on Jan 21, 2016 4:38:37 GMT -8
Many thanks, Lyra. But, judging by how you said that compliment, I'm assuming that you saw the anime a few times before. Am I correct? I have watched way too many anime in my life to mention in one place.  I've also read hundreds of manga. I'm kind of an anime addict. |
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banzaitree
New Member
Indonesian guy who cowers in the presence of superiors.
Posts: 9
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Post by banzaitree on Jan 21, 2016 8:02:02 GMT -8
Many thanks, Lyra. But, judging by how you said that compliment, I'm assuming that you saw the anime a few times before. Am I correct? I have watched way too many anime in my life to mention in one place. I've also read hundreds of manga. I'm kind of an anime addict. Well... ok. I would like to be a tad honest now but, are there any flaws in the story? I could use the feedback. Just got a fourth dislike on FIMfiction by someone who may have not seen the story at all yet... |
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Post by lyraalluse on Jan 27, 2016 12:33:35 GMT -8
Well... ok. I would like to be a tad honest now but, are there any flaws in the story? I could use the feedback. Just got a fourth dislike on FIMfiction by someone who may have not seen the story at all yet... I wouldn't worry too much about the dislikes on FIM Fiction. People will often dislike stories so that their stories will be more noticeable in the site feature box. One of my big motivators for making this site was to make a system that people couldn't abuse like they do on upvote sites like FIM Fiction. I think your story is great. You've got a great style. Keep on writing. |
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banzaitree
New Member
Indonesian guy who cowers in the presence of superiors.
Posts: 9
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Post by banzaitree on Jan 28, 2016 6:44:11 GMT -8
Well... ok. I would like to be a tad honest now but, are there any flaws in the story? I could use the feedback. Just got a fourth dislike on FIMfiction by someone who may have not seen the story at all yet... I wouldn't worry too much about the dislikes on FIM Fiction. People will often dislike stories so that their stories will be more noticeable in the site feature box. One of my big motivators for making this site was to make a system that people couldn't abuse like they do on upvote sites like FIM Fiction. I think your story is great. You've got a great style. Keep on writing. Thanks, Lyra. I'll keep on writing this story. Mind you, in my mind, it should consist of >200k words and >100 chapters. |
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